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          1. 白色的爱2010

            时间: 2016-12-25    阅读: 1352 次    来源:
            作者:

            昨天下午刮起了寒冽的风。在和年长同事的闲聊无意中的一句话,明天要下雪了。竟然印证明天的天气。它包含了我从小几年来如此感触的情结。包括最温暖的亲情,和在白色幻想中的故事。

            今天早上近5点中起床,打开宾馆里的门,外面竟是雪花如;ㄒ谎裳锟。只要雪下下来,我就知道这个地域里被雪覆盖的景象。在我的家乡湖北仙桃,从小经历了记不清下了几场的雪。它们都像一个个美好的故事一样潜在我的记忆深处。记得07年最初离开家乡前一年的大雪。雪覆盖了我们的村庄和农田,整个世界都好象置身在白色的幻境中。村里的人说,这是有史以来最大的雪。

            确实,我和村里长大的兄弟可以在我家的后面的河面上行走。你就知道河面上结了多厚的冰层。年龄溅长了,并不像小时候那样尽情了。每个人都怀有各自忐忑的经历。在过年前后的日子里,在下雪的日子里,每到家庭温暖,独处观望窗外的时候,都会浮想连翩。想着在学校经历男女最初萌动的爱意。想着家族里富有和睦的情景。每每想到,都会心底升出温暖的力量。虽然是在寒冷的处境,但依然阻挡不了我们对雪,对冬天的特有的感触。

            08年的夏季我离开了生活了十几年的家乡,去了中国的南方沿海的一个城市,那里终年不下雪。所以看不到南方的雪。到了下雪的时候,南方却是北方秋天的阴雨时节一样。同样寒冷但缺少了北方的强劲和它所带来的温暖。你看不见在南方有人或亲人串家过节的热闹气氛。它却充满了荫郁。就像一个人在空荡的屋内观望灰暗的天空。虽然你知道在你的家乡和很多地方,有你看不到的喜气洋洋和温暖洋溢。但此刻流离在外的心按捺不住心底的爱,渐渐被工作和生存,飘浮的时间给慢慢淹没。直到融入到另一种风土人情之中,忘记了最初的铭刻在记忆深处的爱。

            我们畏缩着自己的身体来抵御大自然的寒冷。生活和工作让我们不得不去面对和经历前人走过的路。唯一的差别就是时代变了。我们将工作所必须的用具和物品,器械都陆续搬进了车内。然后就沐浴在久违的白色的雪花之中。呼啸的风中夹带了雪花灌进了我的衣服内,冰凌般的刺寒瞬间席卷身体最温暖如春的部位。它就像是儿时的爷爷奶奶的手一样,拍打着我的身体,唤起了以前所没有过的感触和记忆。

            虽然疼痛,但却充满了温暖和爱的传递。我很喜欢在冰天雪地里孤独的走着,迎着寒风,顶着雪花,望着雪白点缀了世界的唯美幻境?醋抛匀幻篮玫亩鞔透枇松跹母惺芎透T。雪花像生命一样在风的吹拂下,不可预知的漂浮在大地的一隅。它像艺术一样给人们带来了不一样的独特感受。

            它像礼物一样赐予了人们温暖和爱的凝聚?醋盼,为工作,处在人生不同阶段,经历了复杂异样的人们,在街道上踩出了自己的脚印,然后继续向前行走。就像生活一样。无论是寒冬还是炎夏都依然这样向前前进着。抬头看着被雪覆盖了的城市,感受到了自然强大的力量和造化。生生不息的自然力在大地上流淌着,生命在世界中艰难的活着。让你感受到的是世间万物深深的不易和艰难。

            在07年之前有下雪的岁月里记忆里颇为深刻的是家族里深深的温暖和睦气氛。令人深深的沉溺其中,不愿挣脱。亲人在家里谈论着家常,筹备年货,打牌麻将,看影碟,无一不充满了爱的温暖。在冬天里亲人在一起的温暖凝聚的感情,是世间最美好的情感。它可以隔绝世间所有的消极,黑暗,罪恶。它是一面镜子,只要每每念及,都让你知道现在情感,生活的状况。

            在内心深处里的影影绰绰的爱情,在07年的冬天一下子膨胀到了血液里。到了思绪每有转动的时候都会念起。如此刺激性的拉伸进了经验和记忆的底蕴。那时距今以有三年的往事,在离初三上学期只剩下一星期的时间的那天放学,我被着斜挎包,骑着破旧不堪的自行车,在318国道上缓缓前进,迎着寒冷的风。在街道的令一边有三两个女孩子,似有蓄意的跟着我的步划在走着。我知道她们的意思,我们也互相看了看。彼此心照不宣。

            我的软弱和自卑破坏了这一切。我不仅仅破坏了她们的,也破坏了我的。是因为她们的心灵对爱如此美的女孩,她们懂得女孩作为女人所具备的女人味特征。是她们太好了,我或许不应该破坏她们的初恋和未来的幸福,我真的不知道自己真的给她们什么。那时正是我放弃了学业和出现了人生歧路的时候,对自己的失望,到厌恨,到绝望。最后的情形是,她们陪了我走完了一段路程。我带着愧疚和悔恨的渴望,带着这几年来的挫败和消极头了没有了回的,背影单薄的驶向远处。

            我知道在这短短的岁月里,她们对爱情充满了我所未看到女人的内在美。她们如此美的,羞怯的付出她们对爱的渴望,和对爱情如此美的纯洁的心?墒俏胰椿钤诹钏鞘氖О芟募且淅。在此一星期其间,我写过长达万字的信,土气的包装袋装着我心底对她们可以付出全部的爱化作的信,送了一本当代着名作家的着作。一星期之后,我一个人再次来到了学校。那天下着血。是这几十年来最大的雪。

            来到学校,看到铁门紧锁。失望地回到了原来住读的地方,清理收拾好了行李,放在了骑来的三轮车上。一个人沿着她们陪我走过的路,迎着寒烈的风,顶着白色的雪花,带着复杂的失望向着远方驶去;乩词,全身布满了刺骨的雪花,冷得四肢有些僵硬;氐椒考淅,倒在床上,几年的疼爱的爱伴着歌声进入了黑色的天空,黑色的风,白色的大地的思绪中。

            现在已到了2010年的冬天。听起来,有些恍惚的不真实。但它真实存在着。今年经历了在江西的一场雪。不知道是在县城的偏僻地段还是时代变了,所过之处看不见在家乡里特有的热闹和快乐。在德市的新广场看不到有人在玩雪仗和堆雪人。每个人被时代的倡导的文化所牵引,失去了特有民族特色?醋虐咨难┗ㄔ谔炜掌,看着过往的男男女女,心中不免生出异样的感伤和遗憾。

            心底里完美女孩在脑海浮现,思绪里爱的力量在寒冷中安静的强烈。相仿年纪的朋友兄弟身边多了一个可以陪伴的人,在这个冬季。心虽然隐隐作痛,但想到了亲人的温暖。想到了今年要回到家乡全家人过年。心底虽然现实的无助,流离的无助,疼爱的无助,可以唯一的寄望的是在亲人团聚中我要在背负爱与责任中,自强自立。希望自己努力,完成一定阶段的理想。

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